I Cannot Set Limits for My Child

Families can be either overly tolerant or overly authoritarian without realizing it. In this case, while soft boundaries convey complex messages, hard boundaries can lead to misdirection.

Parents often expect their children to be responsible, but there are times when they do not know how to ensure this. Today, many parents may be using flawed methods in trying to manage this process.

It is very important for parents to speak the same language to their children. The child who learns that his or her parents do not have the same determination may continue to experiment with boundaries and show a resistant attitude to try his or her luck, especially against the parent who shows a more tolerant attitude to achieving his or her wishes.

We should think twice about saying yes and no to our children, and not say yes to something we will later say no to. Your child should see a parent who is consistent and clear. Being clear does not mean being angry or raising your voice. We need to get down to our child's level, make eye contact and explain why you are saying no in a simple, clear and firm way.

Children want to learn their limits in order to set rules and expectations. They want to know what is expected of them, who is in control, how far they can go and what happens if they go too far. Every parent experiences this process. With this awareness, you can behave in a way that shows your limits in front of your child. In this way, children will understand your precise behavior regarding boundaries. The most important thing to do in the process of setting limits is to realize what went wrong and not to repeat it.

Children may be more insistent about what they want when other people are around. The fact that parents fulfill all their children's wishes in order to avoid an external crisis and strained relationships means that children do not know how to postpone their requests. In such cases, parents may say, "You are very upset right now. I can help you if you stop crying", leaving the child who is expressing his feelings by crying at that moment, going to another room, never making eye contact when he comes after us, and giving positive verbal reinforcement as soon as he stops insisting and crying.

Children sometimes resort to bargaining to get what they want. They make promises to get out of the situation they are in, but they do not feel obliged to keep their promises unless there is a situation that forces them to account for their behavior in the next incident and a parental model that backs up their promises with effective behavior. Children should be aware that their behavior can have consequences and should be guided to be aware of their responsibilities.

Children should not feel that there is a winner or loser in the process as a result of the events they experience, and your relationship should not become a war. The method of giving limited choices is a very effective way of teaching children responsibility and decision-making.